One-Year Anniversary Musings

Today marks our one year anniversary as a married couple!  Thinking back on that day, and the period of time leading up to it, brings up a mix of feelings - I'm feeling tearful, nostalgic, and grateful; so joyful that the day was so beautiful and special; and also some residual pain around difficult parts.  All of this was the impetus for me to create Kinship Collaborative.

A year ago, I couldn't have predicted the year that my husband and I would spend as newlyweds.  I remember thinking, during the stress of wedding planning, "we just have to get through this stressful period, and things will calm down, and we'll be able to be a happy, stable couple again."  Hot damn...literally could not have been more wrong.

In our first year of marriage, we have endured an unprecedented pandemic, which changed our lives forever AND rudely cancelled our honeymoon.  It upended our plans to move into a new house which would be equally ours (rather than his former bachelor pad) and afford us the space we need to grow, which left us feeling groundless and uncertain about our future.  We found our dream house and navigated the major stress of moving.  And we began having difficult but critical discussions about planning our future together as a unit, conversations that have been scary, infuriating, and vulnerable.  

And, I feel so proud of us for how we've navigated this together.  We've worked as a team, we've supported each other, we've repaired conflicts, we've sought outside help when we needed it, we've allowed each other to have hard feelings, we've taken responsibility for our own stuff, and we've pushed each other to be better.  And, at times we've totally NOT done all these things! But, we've remained in the confusion and murkiness together. Marriage is flipping hard, and I couldn't feel more confident that I've chosen the right guy to navigate it with.

So, for those of you who are nearlyweds and newlyweds, know this:  Wedding planning is stressful, and it is only the tip of the iceberg!  Let me tell you, it does not get easier.  Beginning the hard work NOW of building communication, looking at your own patterns/triggers/emotional history, learning how to fight well, etc. WILL set the foundation for a strong marriage.